i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
