Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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