hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
