dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
