I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
