Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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