There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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