I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
