the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
