I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
