Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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