Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
