I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
