The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
