Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
