he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
