New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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