I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm too high and old for this...
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