I bet he comes in French.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
