i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
