i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
