she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
