ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
