This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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