When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
