As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
