We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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