I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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