There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
