I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
