The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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