all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
