You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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