I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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