worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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