i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
