I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
