Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
