Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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