The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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