i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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