HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm too high and old for this...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
