and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
