your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
