The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize