kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
