this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
