I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
