im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
