I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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