I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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