My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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