I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
