we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
