Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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