I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
