I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
