"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My pussy is not your playground.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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