I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
