I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
