my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hippo gnu deer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
