i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
