Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
