I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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