i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
