So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
