Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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