Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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