somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
