my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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