margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
