Just fell off a train. Bad.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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