I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
