The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
