After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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